Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
