The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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