I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
