He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
