are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
