I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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