Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
