Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
