its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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