i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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