he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
