so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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