He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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