....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
