She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
