i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
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Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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