dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
