??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
