Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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