Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
