so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
