I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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