somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
