i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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