If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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