hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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