My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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