got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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