Soap is not a condiment
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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