Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
