Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
