You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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