If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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