Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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