She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm really busy with my period
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