And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
