Just mADE A PArabola og urine
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
