and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
