I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
