are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
