Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
