I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
