I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
