I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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