Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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