Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
