jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
