yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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