I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
