i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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