his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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