I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
