well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
