Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
