your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
