JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
