gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
