ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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