I'm pants shitting drunk right now
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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