i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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