I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
