i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
