Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
