I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
