GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
