I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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