She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
