Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
