I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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