let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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