How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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