i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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