Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
