I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize