How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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