dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
