I hate all girls vehemently.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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