In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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